Dave Barry's 2015 Year in Review

"Was 2015 the worst year ever? Yes, yes it was."

Spoiler alert: Tom Brady and Bill Belichick.

2015 Hubble Space Telescope Advent Calendar

2015 Hubble Space Telescope Advent Calendar

Sublime!

December 1

A retake of one of the Hubble Space Telescope's most iconic and popular images: the Eagle Nebula's Pillars of Creation. This high-definition image shows the pillars as seen in visible light in late 2014, capturing the multi-colored glow of gas clouds, wispy tendrils of dark cosmic dust, and the rust-colored elephants' trunks of the nebula's famous pillars, 25 years after the earlier, more famous 1995 version. The dust and gas in the pillars is seared by intense radiation from young stars and eroded by strong winds from massive nearby stars. The tallest pillar here is about four light years in length, or about 24 trillion miles.

Christmas Eve

The Hubble Ultra Deep Field. Galaxies, galaxies everywhere - as far as the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope can see. This view of nearly 10,000 galaxies represents a "deep" core sample of the universe, cutting across billions of light years. The snapshot includes galaxies of various ages, sizes, shapes and colors. The smallest, reddest galaxies, about 100, may be among the most distant known, existing when the universe was just 800 million years old. The nearest galaxies - the larger, brighter, well-defined spirals and ellipticals - thrived about 1 billion years ago, when the cosmos was 13 billions years old. In vibrant contrast to the rich harvest of classic spiral and elliptical galaxies, there is a zoo of oddball galaxies littering the field. Some look like toothpicks; others are links on a bracelet. A few appear to be interacting. These oddball galaxies chronicle a period when the universe was younger and more chaotic. Order and structure were just beginning to emerge. In ground-based photographs, the patch of sky in which the galaxies reside, just one-tenth the diameter of the full Moon, is largely empty. Located in the constellation Fornax, the region is so empty that only a handful of stars within the Milky Way galaxy can be seen in the image. The total amount of exposure time was 11.3 days, taken between September 24, 2003 and January 15, 2004.

Office of Equity, Diversity and Inclusion

In league with campus political correctness and the Affordable Care Act's propagandist Pajama Boy, the wizards at Harvard's Office of Equity, Diversity and Inclusion distributed a holiday placemat in the college's dining halls, encouraging students, whose parents pay $60,659 a year for the privilege, to go home and guide "holiday discussions on race and justice with loved ones."

Within days, under withering criticism, Harvard administrators issued an apology:

"We write to acknowledge that the placemat distributed in some of your dining halls this week failed to account for the many viewpoints that exist on our campus on some of the most complex issues we confront as a community and society today. Our goal was to provide a framework for you to engage in conversations with peers and family members as you return home for the winter break, however, it was not effectively presented and ultimately caused confusion in our community.

On behalf of the Office of Student Life and the Freshman's Dean's Office, we offer our sincere apologies for this situation.

Academic freedom is central to what Harvard College stands for. To suggest that there is only one point of view on each of these issues runs counter to our educational goals. We appreciate the feedback that we have received about this initiative. Moving forward, we will, with your continued input, support the growth and development of independent minds."

In mock response, the Harvard Republican Club issued an alternative placemat:

There was one thing I liked about Harvard's placemat, the tip about breathing!

Make the Galaxy Great Again

Forget about ObamaPhones. Trump has cufflinks, from Macy's, and says they're better than the cufflinks at Harry Winston and Tiffany's.

Heroin Addiction

On May 22, 2002, my brother died from a heroin overdose.

Since then, I've come to terms with his death that beautiful spring day, slumped over the wheel of his girlfriend's minivan, overlooking a marina of sailboats with rigging ringing against the masts. My journey of acceptance has navigated the shoals of family, faith, addiction, anxiety and depression, and especially the choices we make  . . . and their consequences.

Few in America today are untouched by opioid addiction. The nation's opioid epidemic, driven by vastly over-prescribed narcotics like Oxycodone, Hydrocodone and Fentanyl, is now known if not understood by nearly everyone.

But the recent death of Scott Weiland, member of the bands Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver, in his tour bus, put heroin in sharp relief once again.

In 2005, Weiland was interviewed by Esquire writer Mike Sager for an article, The Devil Gives You the First Time for Free, where he described the rapture, and selfish deception, of heroin.

It came on Thanksgiving 1993. We went over to Jannina's parents' house. Tony lived in a room in the garage. After dinner, he's like, "I've got a couple of rigs. You wanna fix?" So naturally I was like, "Sure." He tied me off and shot me up. And then he said, "Now you've got your wings."

I remember just lying back on his mattress, and there was something barely on his TV, which was right by his bed but had bad reception, just static and snow. Complete warmth went all the way through my body. I was consumed. Like in Siddhartha, when they say there's that feeling of a golden light. There's that moment when he's sitting there, and there's this feeling of warmth, a golden light that just goes through his entire body. I can't remember exactly how they describe it, but there's this feeling in Buddhism where they say there's a golden glow that goes from your fingers all the way through every appendage and into the pit of your stomach. And that's what if felt like to me, slamming dope for the first time. Like I'd reached enlightenment. Like a drop of water rejoining the ocean. I was home.

All my life, I had never felt right in my own skin. I always felt that wherever I went . . . I don't know, I always felt very uncomfortable. Like I didn't belong. Like I could never belong. Like every room I walked into was an unwelcome room.

After doing dope for the first time, I knew that no matter what happened, from that day forward, I could be okay in every situation. Heroin made me feel safe. It was like the womb. I felt completely sure of myself. It took away all the fears. It did that socially; it distanced me from other people, made me feel less vulnerable. And it did that for me musically, allowing me to sort of go for it, you know, to dare to succeed. And it gave me a certain amount of objectivity. You don't have any more connection to the heart, to the body, to anything real. You kind of cease to exist. All that exists is the need.

Like my brother, Weiland rehabbed several times, but never beat the deceit and ultimate cost of his addiction. His wife, Mary Forsberg Weiland, and their two children are now left behind to try and make sense of it all. Last week she sent a letter to Rolling Stone magazine, with a poignant plea: Don't Glorify this Tragedy.

Many of these artists have children. Children with tears in their eyes, experiencing panic because their cries go unheard. You might ask, "How were we to know?" We read that he loved spending time with his children and that he'd been drug-free for years!" In reality, what you didn't want to acknowledge was a paranoid man who couldn't remember his own lyrics and who was only photographed with his children a handful of times in 15 years of fatherhood. When writing a book years ago, it pained me to sometimes gloss over so much grief and struggle, but I did what I thought was best for Noah and Lucy. I knew they would one day see and feel everything that I'd been trying to shield them from, and that they'd eventually be brave enough to say, "That mess was our father. We loved him, but a deep-rooted mix of love and disappointment made up the majority of our relationship with him."

Noah and Lucy never sought perfection from their dad. They just kept hoping for a little effort. If you're a parent not giving your best effort, all anyone asks is that you try just a little harder and don't give up. Progress, not perfection, is what your children are praying for. Our hope for Scott has died, but there is still hope for others. Let's choose to make this the first time we don't glorify this tragedy with talk of rock and roll and the demons that, by the way, don't have to come with it. Skip the depressing t-shirt with 1967-2015 on it - use the money to take a kid to the ballgame or out for ice cream.

Let's hope.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

I grew up in the 50s and 60s in a New York City suburb in Connecticut. We had a dachshund named Snoopy, I collected Peanuts books, most years a Peanuts calendar hung above my desk, my bed was covered by a Peanuts bedspread, and I saw the stage production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown in the East Village in 1967.

And most Christmases since 1965 I've tuned into the animated TV special, A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Then I came upon 14 Blockheaded Facts about a Charlie Brown Christmas on mental_floss. Schulz thought the animation was crude and hated the jazz score, but wisely nixed the laugh track. After a screening before its first broadcast in 1965, CBS said it was slow and lacking in energy.

Good grief!

While walking to my car last Sunday night after the New York Rangers game at Madison Square Garden, I walked by Macy's storefront at Herald Square on Broadway. Guess what's still in fashion and the theme for their holiday windows? That's right. In commemoration of the 50th anniversary of the television special, A Charlie Brown Christmas.

December 7, 1941

How 200 People Covered the Pearl Harbor Attacks for TIME

Martha's Vineyard Magazine - They Were There

Volvo Trucks and a 4-Year-Old Girl

As a former Volvo owner, well done. As a marketer, brilliant.

Et tu, Thanksgiving?

"We'd love to get the platter back when this is over.  That, and our land."

With college presidents resigning under pressure from angry students protesting historic racism and myriad grievances, one could look forward to the peace and equanimity of Thanksgiving.

PBS dashed those hopes with its broadcast of The Pilgrims, a searing documentary by seasonal West Tisbury resident Ric Burns, which obliterates any quaint notions of Thanksgiving. "It's not just buckled shoes, pointed hats and turkeys," explains Burns, adding "We take the Pilgrims away from the myth. The darkness of the story is shocking."

The adversity the Pilgrims faced that first winter in Plymouth makes the grievances of today's campus crybullies a disgrace, to say nothing of the plagues and death visited on the local Wampanoags, before and after, and the tragic yet divinely inspired example set by Squanto.

The First Thanksgiving - Jean Leon Gerome Ferris, 

Gleaning Cranberries

For thousands of years, Wampanoags have gleaned sassamanash, as the tribe calls cranberries. The harvest tradition continues this week at the cranberry bog on Lambert's Cove Road in West Tisbury. The bog's more than hundred-year-old processing barn and Hayden Cranberry Separator have been carefully restored and put back into operation. Pick your own or buy a bag of organic cranberries for $5.

The Cranberry Harvest, Island of Nantucket ~ Eastman Johnson, 1880

2015 Global Terrorism Index

Last week's Islamic terrorist attacks in Beirut and Paris were brutal proof that Daesh (ISIS, ISIL) is growing in numbers, reach and in sowing death.

According to the Institute for Economics & Peace and its latest 2015 Global Terrorism Index, here are the key facts:

• Deaths from terrorism increased 80% last year to the highest level ever, with 32,658 people killed, compared to 18,111 in 2013.
• Boko Haram and ISIL were jointly responsible for 51% of all claimed global fatalities in 2014.
• 78% of all deaths and 57% of all attacks occurred in five countries: Afghanistan, Iraq, Nigeria, Pakistan and Syria.
• Iraq continues to be the country most impacted by terrorism with 9,929 terrorist fatalities, the highest ever recorded in a single country.
• Nigeria experienced the largest increase in terrorist activity with 7,512 deaths in 2014, an increase of over 300% since 2013.
• The global economic cost of terrorism reached an all-time peak at US$52.9 billion.
• Since 2000 there have been over 61,000 terrorist attacks, killing more than 140,000 people.

For more on what's happening in Syria, watch Syria's War: Who's Fighting and Why.

The Smart-Ass Phone

Now Siri!

Roz Chast ~ The New Yorker

Veterans Day

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we
lie in Flanders fields. ~ Major John McCrae

1965 Blackout

Life Magazine ~ Bob Gomel

50 years ago at 5:27 pm on Tuesday, November 9, the lights went out across several states, affecting more than 30 million people.



I was seven years old when the lights went out that night, swimming in the Westport YMCA's indoor pool to earn my Minnow Club badge. I worried that my mother couldn't come to pick me up. She did and we ate dinner by candlelight.

We are really lucky!

Kurzgesagt means "in a nutshell."

He's-at-homes

I learn something new every day.

There once was a dildo in Nantucket.

Mars, Jupiter and Venus

Photo ~ Mark Alan Lovewell

Photo ~ Mark Alan Lovewell

This weekend the planets Mars, Jupiter and Venus form a triangle in the early morning sky. The planets remain close for the coming week. Jupiter and Venus are closest together in the mornings on Sunday and Monday, when the two planets are about one degree apart. Mars is nearby. The time to look is before sunrise." ~ Vineyard Gazette

Green Mountains

Tangled Up in Big Blue

The Embarcadero

Life on Mars

Kaamran Hafeez ~ The New Yorker

It ain't over till it's over

RIP,  Yogi Berra. And a sweet remembrance by Roger Angell.

Morning Light

Higher Power

The New Yorker ~ Roz Chast

Remembering 9.11.01

I was born 16 years after Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor, so my first memories were the iconic black and white photographs of the U.S. Navy fleet in flames. I'd see them every December on TV and in newspapers and magazines, along with remembrances for those lost and the tragic but decisive World War II that followed.

As powerful as those images continue to be, they do not carry the personal and visceral feelings I get when I see similarly iconic images of the 9/11 attack. Having seen it all that day, minute by minute, the jets striking the towers which then fell to the ground below, I was left with feelings of horror, powerlessness and anger. That two wars quickly followed in a region that now knows new depths of inhumanity and barbarity makes those feelings slip to hopelessness.

Photographs ~ Robert Clark

The Washington Post estimates more than 50 million Americans have been born since 9/11, about 18 percent of all Americans. Soon those numbers will grow and become the voting majority. Future generations will face similar if not more catastrophic attacks. And they will have to make difficult decisions informed by history and the moral and geopolitical zeitgeist in their time.

To wage conventional war against flagless and nationless enemies? To change regimes? To rebuild nations? To imprison non-enemy combatants? To torture? To kill from the skies with drones armed with Hellfire missles?

Or will we find another way? And if not us, who?

Photograph ~ George Steinmetz

Cat and mouse

The New Yorker ~ Joost Swarte

Lost Baggage

This video made me think of two things: the Hollies' 1967 hit On a Carousel, and a recent experience with a lost bag.

When boarding a Delta flight last March from Kennedy Airport to Atlanta's Hartsdale Airport, my wife and I were forced to check baggage, even though our carry-ons met the carry-on size restrictions. More on that later.

On arrival at Hartsdale's baggage claim carousel, my wife's bag, checked at the same time as mine at JFK, came down the chute within minutes. Then we waited and watched as all the passengers on our flight collected their bags, except me.

That led to a visit to Delta's lost baggage office where I filled out the forms, and described the bag's make, color, type, identification tags, etc. It was no small irony that my undistinguished black Tumi carry-on had been paid for three years earlier by American Airlines after they lost my Hartmann bag en route home to JFK from Maui via LAX. I did get it back a few days later, in two pieces.

The next day I called Delta's lost baggage desk and checked their "delayed, lost or damaged bags" web site, which said my bag never left JFK. Since we were staying with family in Atlanta for three days, I bought a tooth brush and other sundries, and washed the clothes on my back.

I read What to Do When the Airlines Lose Your Bag, and was reassured that "98 percent of all missing bags eventually turn up." Then I stumbled on UnclaimedBaggage.com and learned they are:

"The only store in America that buys and sells unclaimed baggage from airlines. Come and see why we are one of Alabama's top shopping and tourist attractions, hosting nearly a million visitors each year. With thousands of items arriving in our store every day, you never know what you'll find."

As the fourth day of our visit neared, along with our continuing flight to Tampa to visit a friend in Siesta Key, I went to J Crew and bought some inexpensive clothes, a bathing suit and sunscreen. The following day, we checked in at our Delta gate for the flight to Tampa, and this time my wife's bag met the carry-on bag size restrictions.

Six days after our initial flight from JFK, Delta called to report my bag had been found. It was delivered the next day to our friend's condo, one day before our return trip back to New York. The bag was a bit beat up, my "TSA-recognized lock" was gone, one zipper tab had been ripped off, the contents had been thoroughly gone through and stuffed back in, yet all my identification tags were still attached, including the baggage tag the Delta crew attached when I checked the bag. Go figure.

A few weeks after making the online reimbursement claim and uploading receipts, Delta paid for my OOP expenses and extended a $25 baggage credit instead of reimbursement, good for 90 days and now expired.

Lessons learned? Insist on carrying on "carry-on baggage" no matter how hard gate attendants work passengers for baggage revenue. The front pocket of my Tumi bag now has a print out of the bag's dimensions to settle any future squabbles when airlines use those ridiculous boxes at the gate to "test" the size of your bag. And, if and when you don't get that choice, don't invite trouble by using a TSA- approved lock. Not only do they entice the TSA to have a look see, they claim the hanging locks get fouled up along the twists and turns of baggage conveyor belts.

Well, that's done!

If only it were this easy.

The New Yorker ~ Michael Crawford

Greed, panic and lemmings

Kaamran Hafeez ~ The New Yorker

Beatlemania

It was 50 years today
Sargeant Pepper taught the band to play
They've been going in and out of style
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile . . .